


The Truth of a Wolf

by EgoDominusTuus



Series: Like Good Soldiers [20]
Category: Fallout 4
Genre: Broken Bond, Grief/Mourning, Healing, Help, Psychic Bond, Psychic Wolves, Psychic Wolves For Lupercalia, loss of sibling, railroad, rebonding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-16
Updated: 2016-03-16
Packaged: 2018-05-27 02:59:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6266815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EgoDominusTuus/pseuds/EgoDominusTuus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Deacon wasn't looking for this... then again, Neither was Socks.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Truth of a Wolf

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [People Lie and Wolves Die](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5992845) by [EgoDominusTuus](https://archiveofourown.org/users/EgoDominusTuus/pseuds/EgoDominusTuus). 



I didn't want another wolf. Desdemona had tried a dozen times to get me to look at the pups that were whelped specifically for Railroad agents. When I started intentionally going on missions to avoid the breeding season, she finally learned to take a hint. I wasn't going to put myself through that shit again, no matter what Des thought was a good idea. 

   Apparently, an agent of the Railroad who ran without a brother or sister was half blind, half deaf - we weren't capable of speaking through the pack bond, and that made things complicated for everyone. By refusing another wolf, I was shutting myself off from our best shot at communication; I honestly didn't care. 

   Barbra was the only wolf that I'd ever needed, and I'd let her die. Maybe I was punishing myself, or maybe I was just afraid to feel what was tantamount to my heart ripping out of my chest again. Whatever the reason, I was more than happy to duck out of Headquarters when Silas King and Quinn came around asking for my help with a few things around Sanctuary Hills. They wanted to make sure that their defenses were in place, and they'd been asking everyone from the different factions to come and take a look-see. While I was flattered that they asked me before their tin-can, Paladin Danse, I wasn't sure what they were expecting me to find.

 The two made the trip enjoyable, at least. It was full of laughter and jokes, with Silas King spending far too much time telling Quinn and myself that we needed to be more serious while we were trekking through raider territory. I think that I liked Quinn for the simple fact that he understood how to tell a joke, and how to rush into a situation headlong without really thinking. Likewise, I admired Silas King because he was always there to protect his companion. They had both made it through the damn nukes with their sisters intact. Fina and Val were both loyal to their brothers to a fault, and there was nothing between them but honest and love. 

   Sometimes, they made me ache at the memory of Barbra, and what we’d had once upon a time – but mostly, they just made me feel like maybe there was still hope that someday, somehow, I’d find a way to forgive myself. Even if they didn’t know the full story, they’d already forgiven me. They acted like all of the sins of my past meant nothing; they treated me like any other man. They treated me like a friend.

  I was still trying to get used to the idea that people could look at me, really know me... and still accept me. It had been so long since I'd let anyone in that I was finding the concept a little difficult. I still slipped into lies, into my easy and laid back sense of person - the facade that I wore the same way that I wore my frequent face changes. 

  "We'll be at Sanctuary soon." Silas' voice was informative, and Quinn chuckled as he added his thoughts into it.

   "Of course, we're going to have to reintroduce you to them - though you've never been to Sanctuary Hills yet, have you?" His elbow came out, and he gently tapped me in the ribs. Fina and Val had run ahead of us as soon as the settlement came into sight - apparently they'd missed their pack that had remained behind. I kept my silence - the fact was, I had been here before. I'd heard about the boys in the Vault, and I'd had a hope for them even then... but Quinn and Silas didn't know that, and I certainly hadn't seen the town since they'd rebuilt it. 

  "You know, can't keep things too boring - what would the Commonwealth do without my many faces?" My voice was lackadaisical, but there was still a pain behind my tone that I was just becoming comfortable with letting the boys beside me hear. Quinn cast me a sidelong glance, and Silas had the decency not to look at me at all. I let a slow smile spread across my face, completely empty. I was on edge - something inside of me felt off, and I didn't like the sensation of it.

   There was something burning in my chest, crawling and clawing and trying to find its way out. I couldn't figure out what the sensation meant. I just wanted to get to Sanctuary and get settled in - we'd been traveling non-stop since we'd left the Railroad Headquarters. I was probably just tired. I knew that Sil and Quinn would let me grab a few hours of sleep on their couch, or whatever they had to pass for a bed. We came to a bridge, leading over water that was far too pretty for how many rads I was sure was in it... and a voice called out to us.

   "Welcome back, General!" Preston Garvey - I knew him. The last Minute Man standing. The Railroad had enough information that we knew of everything that happened in Quincy, everything that had torn the once noble Minute Men to the ground. Beside him, his wolf-sister was dancing on her paws in excitement, and Quinn finally loped up ahead of us and ducked down to his knees. She came forward, nuzzling against him. In the distance, Val and Fina were streaking around camp. 

   It made my chest hurt to see it - their closeness. They were a real pack, a real family. I had no idea what that was. 

  Even with Barbra, it had just been the two of us. I think a small sound might have spilled from my chest; whatever it was, Silas turned to me with a small look. "Why don't we go get settled to kip down. We've been on the move for nearly 48 hours. We all need some rest," his blue hues turned to Quinn, who was running circles with the wolves now as though he didn't understand what a lack of energy was. I saw a soft expression of love pour through King's eyes, and he grinned softly. "I should put him to bed before he runs himself completely ragged."

   "He did get shot by that little Raider group." I nodded as I added my thoughts. Silas and I moved forward, and he actually looped his arms around his lover's torso, pulling him under his arm with a soft kiss to the top of his head. Preston had the innocence to smile broadly and blush, looking away. I just chuckled. 

   "C'mon, Deacon. You can sleep on our couch for tonight. We'll get you set up somewhere in the morning if you want your own place." Silas gestured with his head, his arms full of Quinn, and we made off to the center of the settlement. I had to ignore the fact that everywhere I looked, wolves were running around. Most of the people in the Railroad had their own brothers and sisters, but I'd managed to avoid them for the most part. This was some tight knit pack, and I could see it in the way that they moved, played with one another. 

   "You'll be sharing the downstairs with a roomie." Quinn added the thought as we came to stand in front of a well-constructed metal building. "Don't worry though, he doesn't take up much space." 

   I shrugged - I'd slept in tight quarters before, I wasn't really going to worry about it. Especially when they were letting me stay here to begin with. "I'm not too worried, as long as they don't snore."

   "He does like to snuggle," Silas added as an afterthought, and he pushed the door open. He and Quinn strolled through, and I came behind them, a question on my tongue.

   I came up short in the doorway though, because my eyes met with the 'roomie' that Quinn had referred to. Big, shaggy, black and gray. The wolf laid across the couch as though it owned it, and when I met his eyes my stomach dropped into the floor. I actually leaned against the door frame, and heard the curse as it spilled softly from my throat.

   "Man, fuck you two." I stepped inside and closed the door behind me, and then promptly let myself slide down the length of the metal until I rested against the ground. 

    On the couch, the wolf looked just as shell shocked as I did, and when he spilled off of the couch, it seemed to be against his own volition. 

   I quietly noted that he had socks, dark streaks of color on his legs, and my senses were filled with the gentle scent of clean clothes, like laundry dried on a line… 

  "Deacon, we didn't mean-" Quinn's voice cut itself off, and I didn't look up to notice what he and Silas were doing. The wolf that rose from the couch was looking at me with apprehension, but I could hear the press of his voice in my mind already, a string of confusion and pain... and loss.

   He was just like me.

   "When I said that your wish was my strong recommendation, I didn't realize that you were going to abuse the power I gave you." I stood from the ground, like a puppet whose strings weren't being controlled by my own hand. The wolf mirrored me, and my eyes were wide as I stepped towards him. I didn't turn to look at the boys as I spoke. "What's his name?

   "Socks." Silas' voice was soft, and I could tell that there was more weight to this situation than I was realizing, enough gravity to crush a man.

   Then why did I feel like I was floating?

   "That's a ridiculous name." It was perfect. I stepped forward, my fingers coming down - I couldn't believe that the digits were trembling as I stretched them out, but the wolf was shaking too as it extended its nose. We hovered there for a moment, mere inches from touching. 

   "Where's his sister," And I knew that it had been a sister, because his mind was telling me so - that this was wrong, that he didn't have a brother. That he didn't want to feel this way, that he didn't understand, but he wanted so very much to close the gap of those last few inches.

   "Buried on the edge of Sanctuary Hills. It was..." Silas' voice cut off in pain, and Quinn had to finish the sentence for him.

   "Nora."

   Of course. I'd known that Nora King had a wolf - I'd never bothered to think of what had become of it. 

_ Couldn’t save my sister. _ The wolf's voice was somber and full of pain, an impression in my head more than the full sentence itself. It echoed the agony that I'd felt a thousand times over for Barbra, and I gave my own sorrow back as a response. We rocked together to the same wavelength, and I wasn't sure which of us closed the last few inches of space, but suddenly my fingers were gliding through the fur on my  _ brother’s _ head, and I was falling to my knees again. Sock's nosed me with a whimper.

_ Regret and shadows and blood and revenge. _ His voice was a low rumble, and he added,  _ my brother needs a new name. _

   My arms wrapped around him of their own volition, and I could have sworn that I didn't want this, even though the need to hold him was pulsing through me.

  "You smell like a damn clothes basket." I'd looted enough Abraxo Cleaner on my missions that I knew what fresh laundry smelled like... but there was something  _ pure _ about the way that Socks smelled. It was a scent from centuries ago, so  _ of course _ there was something pure about it.

  I didn't realize that I was shaking while hugging him, until he nosed against my neck again.  _ We will find my brother a new name.  _ He sounded so determined, and the thought that another being could  _ tell _ that I needed help... that another being cared...

  I wasn't going to be able to lie to him. The thought of it brought me up short, and I pulled back. I think my face was full of shock, and Socks looked at me with soft passive eyes, gentle but full of his own quaking fear. He hadn't expected to have a sibling again - he hadn't wanted it, though the rest of his pack wanted him to be happy.

  His pack.

  My eyes flicked up to Silas and Quinn, and a small, sinking realization told me that it wasn't just  _ his _ pack anymore. It was mine, too.

  Apparently, I was going to have a family, whether I wanted it or not. Quinn was smiling softly at me, and damn me if there weren't soft tears in Silas King's eyes. I knew that this would mean something to them, because I knew what Socks represented, what he had been before. There was a part of me that was worried they would be angry - that they would feel like I'd somehow tried to take away the memory of their Nora--

_ Our brothers are kind. Our pack is family. Is home. _

  Socks’ voice was a calm, soothing presence in my mind, and I sank back against him without thinking. My arms stroked through his fur, my chest huffing the sweet scent of him deep into my lungs again - there was a serenity to his presence, a peace that I'd never thought to feel again.

  He was honestly  _ perfect _ , because I could feel that his pain at losing Nora matched my own in every way... and beneath that pain, I felt something else.

_ Hope _ . Hope that we could  _ both  _ heal. Hope that there was a chance that maybe, eventually... we couldn't and would never try to replace our lost siblings, but we could stop feeling a constant ache from the lack of their presence, their warmth.  _ Hope _ that things would finally, finally stop  _ hurting. _

_ " _ I hope so, too, buddy." My voice was a soft whisper, like I'd forgotten how to speak mind to mind, even though my thoughts were conveying a million things that I couldn't even begin to utter. "I hope so, too." I hadn't wanted this - hadn't expected it. I wanted to accuse Silas and Quinn of setting this up, but I knew that they wouldn't have done that without at least trying to talk me into it first. Quinn seemed to have the ability to talk anyone into anything, after all.

  But they hadn't planned this - no one could have planned this. I had home in my arms again, like fate had  _ finally  _ decided to forgive me of my transgressions. Maybe that was what it was - I'd been doing so much work with the boys in blue, maybe I'd finally zeroed out my ledger.

  Maybe I was finally being given a second chance? I didn't know...

  I just knew that, with my nose buried against Socks’ soft fur, for at least that moment... there was no need for me to lie.


End file.
